Although Cara was the writer in the family, Parravani found solace in writing Her. Her husband, author of the Gulf War memoir Jarhead , encouraged her to write her story. This book offers proof of my love, which she was constantly questioning.
She hated herself. It was that simple. Her rape had eroded her self-confidence. It was a constant battle to convince Cara she was worthy. Blush sat on the tops of her cheeks in powdery circles. The worry line on her forehead had been erased by the magic plumping effect of embalming fluid. She would have been pleased to know that death had made her younger. I want people to know who my sister was. I want people to know my sister had a truly beautiful spirit.
Parravani has a photo of Cara hanging in her dining room, and talks about her often with her month-old, Josephine. March Christa Parravani. I worry about my daughters more than I worry about my son. The lie we told our daughters is about that moment. We need to give them a story about what happened.
Loved and Wanted breaks the taboo against telling our children, and ourselves, the truth, that the majority of women in this country receive inadequate reproductive health care, not just women in one red state or a few; it crosses class lines and privilege. I was a strong-willed woman who felt destabilized by the fact that it was made very logistically hard for me to terminate a pregnancy.
I guess if I got through all the childcare hurdles and barriers, I could have done that. On the other hand, I was so … humiliated by the laws that told me that I was not allowed to decide for myself and that they were going to make it really hard for me, that I believed in my heart that I was bad for wanting it to begin with; that was a barrier as well. There are many women who are anti-abortion. Do you ever wonder what it is like to be them? I already had an abortion. I think we can all agree laws that make it impossible for children to receive adequate medical care and quality of life are wrong, and also murderous.
Both points are equally valid. If you truly value life, then you value the lives of women and children. Your book highlights how much rights for women have been eroded in recent decades.
And this also happens to be a book about a boy whose arm was yanked out of its socket at birth and left undiagnosed and untreated, not about a girl.
This book was born out of my need to help my son most. If he had not suffered what he suffered, this book would probably not have been written, but what happened to him happened because of the laws we have. I blamed myself, of course, but I had to take another look at it. I wanted to write a book about choice. I knew abortion and choice were issues that needed to be tackled. I had spent years of my adult life after I published my first book, Her , about my sister Cara dying of a heroin overdose, feeling I was done.
I sold the book and was given four months to write it. Everyone who was interested in buying it saw this was a political book. They wanted it for the election. I was lucky to get time off from teaching to write. They gave me emergency fellowships.
I cannot believe I met the deadline. I had to buy time, of course. I think the fear of not being able to fulfill that goal just motored me through. I mean, this question I want to ask you is probably ridiculous, but where did you learn to write like this? I started off as a photographer and surrounded myself with writers. I thought I just liked writers, but then it turns out I wanted to be one. My sister was a writer. I quit my tenure-track job. I stopped taking pictures to dedicate myself to learning what it means to craft a book, and it turns out I can write.
The fear of no time to write right now is real. I think the book is also about that —. It is. And the only way that I knew to do it as a writer was to recreate the feeling I had at that moment. And so I wrote it in a way in which the voice is really bare. I needed the reader to understand through this really visceral experience with the text what it felt like to be in those rooms.
Because especially with a subject like reproductive health care, [where] we are so divided, I knew that the only way to be able to have a conversation with people who might not understand [my] position was to be able to just get to them on the gut level.
Because whether or not you believe that women should have the right to choose, we all have to sort of agree that we all deserve to have adequate medical care, and that there are definite consequences for not providing adequate medical care for people. The concept of choice comes up not only in terms of reproductive rights but also in a grander sense, about being denied choices in different ways, especially as a woman.
Why was that meaningful to you to tease out in this broader way? Well, in the grander scheme of reproductive rights, first and foremost, the epiphany that I had to have in order to write this book was that I could both want to have had access to reasonable health care and love and want my son.
And the choice there is, how do I choose to bring this child into the world, knowing what I face in doing that is almost insurmountable? But the book is about choice in all sorts of ways; it's about how you choose to keep a marriage together, where you choose to live, how you choose your allegiance, whether or not you decide to speak up, even though it will be difficult.
I knew that it was a risk to write this book, but it was a choice I made anyway, because the ramifications for not speaking up around these issues resonated with me in terms of the world I made for the children that I have. So it's not just about reproductive health care — it's about the choice that we make every day, to live the lives that we live to the best of our abilities, and to live with passionate hope, which is kind of where I am now today as we wait for the presidential election.
You mention in the book the despair you felt when Trump was first elected, not to mention what the past four years have been like — and this administration has been disastrous regarding women's right to their own bodies. How are you feeling now, hopefully on the precipice of a new era? I'm feeling a great amount of relief — and also I'm feeling as if we still have a lot of work to do, because the erosion of reproductive health care has been going on for a really long time, and it predates Trump.
We've lost ground culturally in this country over the last four years; we've been losing ground for a really long time. So these issues exist outside of Trump. So my relief over the outcome of this election is palpable.
On the other hand, I still worry that [there] will be a state-by-state erosion of reproductive health care — and we cannot rest. We still need to have this conversation. That erosion comes up in the stark contrast between your experiences seeking health care in West Virginia and California. I did that for her by editing that piece. Advertise Content includes books from bestselling, midlist and debut authors. March 1, It is a memoir that tells a somewhat typical story of a difficult childhood situation, sibling rivalry, a traumatic life-changing event, and substance abuse.
Her A Memoir Book : Parravani, Christa : Christa Parravani and her identical twin, Cara, shared a bond that went beyond siblinghood, beyond sisterhood, beyond friendship. Raised up from poverty by a determined single mother, gifted and beautiful twin sisters Christa and Cara Parravani were able to create a private haven of splendor and amusement that they shared She and her family were living in Morgantown, West Virginia, where she had taken a professorial position at the local university.
Christa Parravani and her identical twin, Cara, were linked by a bond that went beyond sisterhood or friendship. Christa Parravani is an author and assistant professor in creative non-fiction at West Virginia University. The worry line on her forehead had been erased by the magic plumping effect of embalming fluid. Christa Parravani writes about her life with her identical twin, Cara, and her struggle to survive in the aftermath of Cara's accidental death. Buy Now. Online version: Parravani, Christa.
November 10, Lisa Taddeo, author of Three WomenA harrowing account of one woman's reckoning with life, death and choice in Trump's America. This book offers proof of my love, which she was constantly questioning.
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